


Joke's On You

by doodnoice



Category: Stardew Valley (Video Game)
Genre: Explicit Language, F/M, Gen, Gender-Neutral Player, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Humor, Implied/Referenced Cheating, M/M, Married Couple, POV Third Person, Romantic Fluff, Sexual Content, Unnamed Farmer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-27
Updated: 2017-04-28
Packaged: 2018-10-24 18:10:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,414
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10747068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doodnoice/pseuds/doodnoice
Summary: What started as a simple joke ends up getting rather heated--not that the farmer is complaining.-Sebastian/Farmer





	1. GENDER-NEUTRAL VERS.

It was a mild summer day and the farmer had just finished watering all the crops that they have yet to get around to setting with a sprinkler. In all, they were somewhat sore, but still energetic enough that they figured they could go into town to talk with their friends or maybe even catch some fresh fish in the ocean for dinner later in the evening. First, however, they figured they should check on their husband, Sebastian, before going into town, just in case he needed something.

Entering the quaint little home, the farmer was pleased to see Sebastian up before noon. Though he made an effort to wake up at the same time as them, the years of an almost exclusively night-centric schedule had made Sebastian occasionally susceptible to days where he simply stayed in bed. Today, thankfully, was not one of those days.

Sebastian had been sitting on the couch in the middle of the living room, typing something on his laptop when the farmer came in. Glancing up with a smile, Sebastian nodded to the farmer with a simple "Hey," before looking back down at whatever he was doing.

"Hi," the farmer beamed back, removing their dirt encrusted boots at the door as well as their overalls and work gloves before they sidled up next to their husband on the couch, laying their head against his shoulder, "How are you?"

Sebastian looked from the computer in his lap to his spouse, before leaning to the side to kiss the top of their head, noting the strangely pleasant outdoorsy scent that clung to their hair and sighed contentedly, "I'm fine, just thinking."

"About..?" the farmer pressed, deciding to momentarily pause their routine trip to town for the calmness of their spouse's serene voice.

Closing the laptop and placing it on the ground against the side of the couch, Sebastian threw his arm around the farmer and pulled them closer to his chest, sighing, "I haven't been in town for a while; we're just so isolated from everything." he said, thumb gently caressing circles into the farmer's arm as he stared off at the far wall, "I can't remember the last time I really went out of my way to go somewhere."

The farmer hummed, eyes lulling closed as they listened to Sebastian's heartbeat and soothing voice, "Yeah, you've been cooped up in the house for a while..."

There was a comfortable silence for a few moments, then Sebastian let out a wistful breath, "It'd be good to see Sam, again." he said, "Wonder if he'll even remember me."

The farmer laughed, pushing away from Sebastian to look at him, face to face, "You make it sound like I'm holding you hostage or something."

With a teasing grin, Sebastian ran his hand up the farmer's arm before gently tickling their side until the farmer pulled away with a lungful of breathless laughs. Sebastian's eyes were mirthful as he clicked his tongue, playfully chastising as he reached for the farmer once more, "Well, you did kind of whisk me away from my family home and take me off to a far off place away from any civilization..."

Dramatically, the farmer batted softly at Sebastian's hands before succumbing to his touch and falling back closer into him, "At most, it's a 15 minute walk to town!"

Sebastian made a light, unsure sound as he looked down at the farmer, amused with his spouse's embarrassed little frown, "I don't know, dear. This whole situation sounds very prince in the tower-y to me." he leaned the farmer away from him in order to look them over in full for full effect, "You sure you're not some dragon in disguise?"

Huffing, the farmer rolled their eyes and scooted away from Sebastian with a child-like sense of defiance, "Well, if you really feel that way, I don't want to hold you back."

"You know I'm joking, right?" Sebastian was usually pretty sure when the farmer was being serious with him or not, but it never hurt to ask.

When the farmer turned back around, arms folded, but with a mischievous glint in their eye, Sebastian knew they were still just teasing each other. "Of course you're joking!" the farmer laughed, and crawled over to kiss his cheek, giggling when Sebastian turned his face and stole a peck on the lips instead. When the farmer pulled away, they're still smiling in that devilishly innocent way of theirs, that only widened when they swung their legs over Sebastian's lap and settled there, legs spread daringly, "You know," they start, adjusting their position _just so_ as they place their hands on his shoulders, "You can see Sam whenever you want..." the farmer leaned down, lips grazing Sebastian's ear, "I know I am."

A pause. The farmer gave Sebastian a toothy grin before moving to get off of his lap.

"Did you just...-"

"Nope!" The farmer jumped up and away from their spouse's lap, presumably to escape the situation, but Sebastian, despite what otherwise might be assumed of him, was equally as quick as his energetic spouse. Before the farmer could even fully get up, Sebastian grabbed their arm and pulled them back, swiftly maneuvering them until they were pinned between the hard plane of his body and the worn cushions of the couch.

The farmer looked up at Sebastian, eyes wide as said man gathered the farmer's hands together at the wrist and pinned them above their head. With a suddenly dry throat, the farmer gulped and gave their suddenly very unamused spouse a somewhat uncertain cheeky grin, "I was just joking."

"Oh, I know." Sebastian acknowledged, despite making no move to release the farmer, "But, sometimes, I feel like you need a reminder..." moving his knee until it was resting between the farmer's legs, not exactly touching, but still rather hard to ignore, Sebastian leaned down over the farmer with a darkened eyes. Ghosting his lips against the farmer's neck, Sebastian moved slow and gentle, hot breath dancing across the farmer's skin, igniting a warm feeling in the farmer's gut as their skin prickled with goosebumps in anticipation. With a grin, Sebastian pressed a line of chaste kisses along the farmer's jawline and down their neck and upper chest. At their collarbone, Sebastian gave a gentle nip, causing the farmer to inhale sharply. Taking that as a go-ahead, Sebastian began licking and sucking the spot, while the knee that was pressed up between the farmer's legs gently moved to close the distance more intimately until the farmer began rocking their body against Sebastian's jean-clad thigh. When Sebastian left a decently red mark on the farmer, he leaned up and laughed, the sound husky before looking down to take in the farmer's flushed countenance with a pleased, devious smirk. "Still feel like going to Sam's house?" Sebastian teased.

With a daring shine in their eyes, the farmer grinned, "What will you do if I say 'yes'?"

Sebastian's chuckle is anything but light as he shifted his knee just slightly, causing the farmer to buck up into his thigh and gasp sharply. "I guess I'll just have to make sure you can't go." Sebastian kissed the corner of the farmer's lips teasingly, before releasing their hands in order to run his down the length of their body. Finding the farmer's hips, Sebastian took a firm hold of them and began working their stuttering thrusts into an even and slow pace against his thigh, dragging and pressing them along hotly. The farmer whined, hands going to clamp on Sebastian's shoulders as the man ravished their neck with kisses and bites, going all the way up to their ear where he gave a short nip and whispered, "I hope you don't have any other plans, because when I'm through with you, you'll be so ready for me that you won't be able to breathe without moaning my name."

"Cocky, aren't we?" the farmer managed through a strangled moan.

Sebastian pressed the farmer harder against his leg at the same time he gently nudged against them, forcing the farmer to keen, arching their back as pleasure shot through them, coiling aching warm in the deepest parts of them. Grinning against the farmer's heated skin, Sebastian chuckled, "I have a lot of reason to be." Sebastian leaned back for a second, adjusting the farmer until they were straddling his lap, before he laid them back down, one hand gripping their hip and keeping them pressed against him, while the other kept him held above the farmer. Sebastian rolled the farmer against the growing bulge in his pants and watched triumphantly as the farmer leaned back and groaned, face flushed in pleasure. Darkly, Sebastian pressed his lips against the farmer's lips gently before pulling away and smiling,  "If you're good, maybe I'll show you."


	2. FEMALE ANATOMY VERS.

It was a mild summer day and the farmer had just finished watering all the crops that she had yet to get around to setting with a sprinkler. In all, she was somewhat sore, but still energetic enough that she figured she could go into town to talk with her friends or maybe even catch some fresh fish in the ocean for dinner later in the evening. First, however, she figured she should check on her husband, Sebastian, before going into town, just in case he needed something.

Entering the quaint little home, the farmer was pleased to see Sebastian up before noon. Though he made an effort to wake up at the same time as her, the years of an almost exclusively night-centric schedule had made Sebastian occasionally susceptible to days where he simply stayed in bed. Today, thankfully, was not one of those days.

Sebastian had been sitting on the couch in the middle of the living room, typing something on his laptop when the farmer came in. Glancing up with a smile, Sebastian nodded to the farmer with a simple "Hey," before looking back down at whatever he was doing.

"Hi," the farmer beamed back, removing her dirt encrusted boots at the door as well as her overalls and work gloves before she sidled up next to her husband on the couch, laying her head against his shoulder, "How are you?"

Sebastian looked from the computer in his lap to his wife, before leaning to the side to kiss the top of her head, noting the strangely pleasant outdoorsy scent that clung to her hair and sighed contentedly, "I'm fine, just thinking."

"About..?" the farmer pressed, deciding to momentarily pause her routine trip to town for the calmness of her husband's serene voice.

Closing the laptop and placing it on the ground against the side of the couch, Sebastian threw his arm around the farmer and pulled her closer to his chest, sighing, "I haven't been in town for a while; we're just so isolated from everything." he said, thumb gently caressing circles into the farmer's arm as he stared off at the far wall, "I can't remember the last time I really went out of my way to go somewhere."

The farmer hummed, eyes lulling closed as she listened to Sebastian's heartbeat and soothing voice, "Yeah, you've been cooped up in the house for a while..."

There was a comfortable silence for a few moments, then Sebastian let out a wistful breath, "It'd be good to see Sam, again." he said, "Wonder if he'll even remember me."

The farmer laughed, pushing away from Sebastian to look at him, face to face, "You make it sound like I'm holding you hostage or something."

With a teasing grin, Sebastian ran his hand up the farmer's arm before gently tickling the farmer's side until she pulled away with a lungful of breathless laughs. Sebastian's eyes were mirthful as he clicked his tongue, playfully chastising as he reached for his wife once more, "Well, you did kind of whisk me away from my family home and take me off to a far off place away from any civilization..."

Dramatically, the farmer batted softly at Sebastian's hands before succumbing to his touch and falling back closer into him, "At most, it's a 15 minute walk to town!"

Sebastian made a light, unsure sound as he looked down at the farmer, amused with his wife's embarrassed little frown, "I don't know, dear. This whole situation sounds very prince in the tower-y to me." he leaned the farmer away from him in order to look her over full effect, "You sure you're not some dragon in disguise?"

Huffing, the farmer rolled her eyes and scooted away from Sebastian with a child-like sense of defiance, "Well, if you really feel that way, I don't want to hold you back."

"You know I'm joking, right?" Sebastian was usually pretty sure when the farmer was being serious with him or not, but it never hurt to ask.

When the farmer turned back around, arms folded, but with a mischievous glint in her eye, Sebastian knew they were both still just teasing each other. "Of course you're joking!" the farmer laughed, and crawled over to kiss his cheek, giggling when Sebastian turned his face and stole a peck on the lips instead. When the farmer pulled away, she was still smiling in that devilishly innocent way of hers, that only widened when she suddenly swung her legs over Sebastian's lap and settled there, knees spread daringly, "You know," she started, adjusting her sitting position _just so_ as she placed her hands on his shoulders, "You can see Sam whenever you want..." the farmer leaned down, lips grazing Sebastian's ear, "I know I am."

A pause. The farmer gave Sebastian a toothy grin before moving to get off of his lap.

"Did you just...-"

"Nope!" The farmer jumped up and away from her husband's lap, presumably to escape the situation, but Sebastian, despite what otherwise might be assumed of him, was equally as quick as his energetic wife. Before the farmer could even fully get up, Sebastian grabbed her arm and pulled them back, swiftly maneuvering her until she were pinned between the hard plane of his body and the worn cushions of the couch.

The farmer looked up at Sebastian, eyes wide as said man gathered the farmer's hands together at the wrist and pinned them above her head. With a suddenly dry throat, the farmer gulped and gave her suddenly very unamused husband a somewhat uncertain cheeky grin, "I was just joking."

"Oh, I know." Sebastian acknowledged, despite making no move to release the farmer, "But, sometimes, I feel like you need a reminder..." moving his knee until it was resting between the farmer's legs, not exactly touching, but still rather hard to ignore, Sebastian leaned down over the farmer with a darkened eyes. Ghosting his lips against the farmer's neck, Sebastian moved slow and gentle, hot breath dancing across the farmer's skin, igniting a warm feeling in her gut as her skin prickled with goosebumps in anticipation. With a grin, Sebastian pressed a line of chaste kisses along the farmer's jawline and down her neck and the exposed softness just above her breasts. At her collarbone, Sebastian gave a gentle nip, causing the farmer to inhale sharply. Taking that as a go-ahead, Sebastian began licking and sucking the spot, while the knee that was pressed up between the farmer's legs gently moved to close the distance more intimately until the farmer began rocking her body against Sebastian's jean-clad thigh. When Sebastian left a decently red mark on the farmer's skin, he leaned up and laughed, the sound husky before looking down to take in his wife's flushed countenance with a pleased, devious smirk. "Still feel like going to Sam's house?" Sebastian teased.

With a daring shine in her eyes, the farmer grinned, "What will you do if I say 'yes'?"

Sebastian's chuckle is anything but light as he shifted his knee just slightly, causing the farmer to buck up into his thigh and gasp sharply. "I guess I'll just have to make sure you can't go." Sebastian kissed the corner of the farmer's lips teasingly, before releasing her hands in order to run his own down the length of her body. Finding the farmer's hips, Sebastian took a firm hold of them and began working her stuttering thrusts into an even and slow pace against his thigh, dragging and pressing her aching warmth along his thigh hotly. The farmer whined, hands going to clamp on Sebastian's shoulders as the man ravished her neck with kisses and bites, going all the way up to her ear where he gave a short nip at the lobe and whispered, "I hope you don't have any other plans, because when I'm through with you, you'll be so ready for me that you won't be able to breathe without moaning my name."

"Cocky, aren't we?" the farmer managed through a strangled moan.

Sebastian pressed the farmer harder against his leg at the same time he gently nudged against her heat, forcing a keen from the farmer who arched her back as pleasure shot through her, coiling aching warm in the steadily growing dampness between her legs. Grinning against the farmer's heated skin, Sebastian chuckled, "I have a lot of reason to be." Sebastian leaned back for a second, adjusting the farmer until she was straddling his lap, before he laid her back down, one hand gripping her hip and keeping her pressed against him, while the other kept him held above her. Sebastian rolled the farmer against the growing bulge in his pants and watched triumphantly as the farmer leaned back and groaned, face flushed in pleasure. Darkly, Sebastian kissed his wife gently before pulling away and smiling,  "If you're good, maybe I'll show you."


	3. MALE ANATOMY VERS.

It was a mild summer day and the farmer had just finished watering all the crops that he had yet to get around to setting with a sprinkler. In all, he was somewhat sore, but still energetic enough that he figured he could go into town to talk with his friends or maybe even catch some fresh fish in the ocean for dinner later in the evening. First, however, he figured he should check on his husband, Sebastian, before going into town, just in case he needed something.

Entering the quaint little home, the farmer was pleased to see Sebastian up before noon. Though he made an effort to wake up at the same time as him, the years of an almost exclusively night-centric schedule had made Sebastian occasionally susceptible to days where he simply stayed in bed. Today, thankfully, was not one of those days.

Sebastian had been sitting on the couch in the middle of the living room, typing something on his laptop when the farmer came in. Glancing up with a smile, Sebastian nodded to the farmer with a simple "Hey," before looking back down at whatever he was doing.

"Hi," the farmer beamed back, removing his dirt encrusted boots at the door as well as his overalls and work gloves before he sidled up next to his husband on the couch, laying his head against his shoulder, "How are you?"

Sebastian looked from the computer in his lap to his husband, before leaning to the side to kiss the top of his head, noting the strangely pleasant outdoorsy scent that clung to his hair and sighed contentedly, "I'm fine, just thinking."

"About..?" the farmer pressed, deciding to momentarily pause his routine trip to town for the calmness of his husband's serene voice.

Closing the laptop and placing it on the ground against the side of the couch, Sebastian threw his arm around the farmer and pulled him closer to his chest, sighing, "I haven't been in town for a while; we're just so isolated from everything." he said, thumb gently caressing circles into the farmer's arm as he stared off at the far wall, "I can't remember the last time I really went out of my way to go somewhere."

The farmer hummed, eyes lulling closed as he listened to Sebastian's heartbeat and soothing voice, "Yeah, you've been cooped up in the house for a while..."

There was a comfortable silence for a few moments, then Sebastian let out a wistful breath, "It'd be good to see Sam, again." he said, "Wonder if he'll even remember me."

The farmer laughed, pushing away from Sebastian to look at him, face to face, "You make it sound like I'm holding you hostage or something."

With a teasing grin, Sebastian ran his hand up the farmer's arm before gently tickling the farmer's side until he pulled away with a lungful of breathless laughs. Sebastian's eyes were mirthful as he clicked his tongue, playfully chastising as he reached for his husband once more, "Well, you did kind of whisk me away from my family home and take me off to a far off place away from any civilization..."

Dramatically, the farmer batted softly at Sebastian's hands before succumbing to his touch and falling back closer into him, "At most, it's a 15 minute walk to town!"

Sebastian made a light, unsure sound as he looked down at the farmer, amused with his husband's embarrassed little frown, "I don't know, dear. This whole situation sounds very prince in the tower-y to me." he leaned the farmer away from him in order to look him over full effect, "You sure you're not some dragon in disguise?"

Huffing, the farmer rolled his eyes and scooted away from Sebastian with a child-like sense of defiance, "Well, if you really feel that way, I don't want to hold you back."

"You know I'm joking, right?" Sebastian was usually pretty sure when the farmer was being serious with him or not, but it never hurt to ask.

When the farmer turned back around, arms folded, but with a mischievous glint in his eye, Sebastian knew they were both still just teasing each other. "Of course you're joking!" the farmer laughed, and crawled over to kiss his cheek, giggling when Sebastian turned his face and stole a peck on the lips instead. When the farmer pulled away, he was still smiling in that devilishly innocent way of his, that only widened when he suddenly swung his legs over Sebastian's lap and settled there, knees spread daringly, "You know," he started, adjusting his sitting position _just so_ as he placed his hands on Sebastian's shoulders, "You can see Sam whenever you want..." the farmer leaned down, lips grazing Sebastian's ear, "I know I am."

A pause. The farmer gave Sebastian a toothy grin before moving to get off of his lap.

"Did you just...-"

"Nope!" The farmer jumped up and away from his husband's lap, presumably to escape the situation, but Sebastian, despite what otherwise might be assumed of him, was equally as quick as his energetic husband. Before the farmer could even fully get up, Sebastian grabbed his arm and pulled him back, swiftly maneuvering him until he was pinned between the hard plane of his body and the worn cushions of the couch.

The farmer looked up at Sebastian, eyes wide as said man gathered the farmer's hands together at the wrist and pinned them above his head. With a suddenly dry throat, the farmer gulped and gave his suddenly very unamused husband a somewhat uncertain cheeky grin, "I was just joking."

"Oh, I know." Sebastian acknowledged, despite making no move to release the farmer, "But, sometimes, I feel like you need a reminder..." moving his knee until it was resting between the farmer's legs, not exactly touching, but still rather hard to ignore, Sebastian leaned down over the farmer with a darkened eyes. Ghosting his lips against the farmer's neck, Sebastian moved slow and gentle, hot breath dancing across the farmer's skin, igniting a warm feeling in his gut as his skin prickled with goosebumps in anticipation. With a grin, Sebastian pressed a line of chaste kisses along the farmer's jawline and down his neck. At his collarbone, Sebastian gave a gentle nip, causing the farmer to inhale sharply. Taking that as a go-ahead, Sebastian began licking and sucking the spot, while the knee that was pressed up between the farmer's legs gently moved to close the distance more intimately, grazing the farmer's slowly hardening length until the farmer began rocking his body against Sebastian's jean-clad thigh. When Sebastian left a decently red mark on the farmer's skin, he leaned up and laughed, the sound husky before looking down to take in his husband's flushed countenance with a pleased, devious smirk. "Still feel like going to Sam's house?" Sebastian teased.

With a daring shine in his eyes, the farmer grinned, "What will you do if I say 'yes'?"

Sebastian's chuckle is anything but light as he shifted his knee just slightly, causing the farmer to buck up into his thigh and gasp sharply. "I guess I'll just have to make sure you can't go." Sebastian kissed the corner of the farmer's lips teasingly, before releasing his hands in order to run his own down the length of his body. Finding the farmer's half-head length, tenting his jeans, Sebastian pressed down slightly, hand covering his husband's bulge as the farmer began working his stuttering thrusts into an even and slow pace against Sebastian's hand hotly. The farmer whined, hands going to clamp on Sebastian's shoulders as the man ravished his neck with kisses and bites, going all the way up to his ear where Sebastian gave a short nip at the lobe and whispered, "I hope you don't have any other plans, because when I'm through with you, you'll be so ready for me that you won't be able to breathe without moaning my name."

"Cocky, aren't we?" the farmer managed through a strangled moan.

Sebastian pressed more firmly against the farmer at the same time he gently squeezed his length, forcing a keen from the farmer who arched his back as pleasure shot through him, coiling warmth down the aching hardness between his thighs. Grinning against the farmer's heated skin, Sebastian chuckled, "I have a lot of reason to be." Sebastian leaned back for a second, adjusting the farmer until he was straddling his lap, before he laid him back down. Sebastian rolled the farmer against the growing bulge in his pants and watched triumphantly as he leaned back and groaned, face flushed in pleasure. Darkly, Sebastian kissed his husband gently before pulling away and smiling,  "If you're good, maybe I'll show you."


End file.
